I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
