You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let's get the cat blown out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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