Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
