You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
