I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
