Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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