I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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