Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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