What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
