he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
