In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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