Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
