he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
