Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
