from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
