Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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