WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
