You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
