Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't think brook has ever known best
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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