why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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