ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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