So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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