A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
