She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
