It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
