Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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