getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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