I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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