a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
