Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
