Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
