Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
