i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
