I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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