One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
