Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize