I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
