sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
