she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
