I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
