Can Purell be used as lube?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
