I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
