are you still at the devil's house?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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