my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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