Can Purell be used as lube?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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