In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
organizing the empties. That sober.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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