you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had sex on a roof
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
