Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
