Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
