I must be too annoying 4 u.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
