I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
