You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
