Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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