I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
