Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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