I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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