I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
