The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
