i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
