Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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