i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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