I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
