He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sarcasm needs its own font
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
