I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
