the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
