you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
