I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
