Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
