Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
