true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
