This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
