Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
