Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
