she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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