dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
