how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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