so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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