I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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