Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
