You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
